Grand Theft Rocko
by ProDG
Summary: Read and find out! First Rocko's Modern Life fic ever!


This is dedicated to one of the best shows ever put on TV.

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Grand Theft Rocko

It was just another ordinary day in O-Town. Rocko was hard at work at Kind-Of-A-Lot-Of Comics finishing up what he had to do before signing out for the day. He sighed and looked out the window wishing he could be outside enjoying the sun with his dog, Spunky. 

"Rocko!!!" His boss suddenly bellowed. Rocko snapped back to attention trying to look busy.

"Y-yes sir?" He replied meekly.

"Have you finished doing all of your tasks for the day?" His boss asked taking a puff off of his cigar.

"Everything that you asked me to do." He assured his boss. His boss stared down at him for a second.

"Well ok, you're free to leave I guess. Oh yeah don't forget this." His boss said slapping an envelope down on the counter. Rocko picked it up grinning and dollar bill signs appeared in his eyes. "Thank you, sir." He called to his boss as he walked out the door then slammed it shut. 

A few minutes later Rocko pulled up into his driveway then slowly trudged his way to the front door. Feeling tired and exhausted Rocko's brain could hardly function correctly. He opened up his door and headed for the couch closing his eyes instantly as soon as he hit it. Unfortunately his eyes snapped wide open as soon as he heard a loud knock at the door. Groaning, Rocko got up to answer it. He knew exactly who it was and what they wanted even before he opened the door and once he did their faces entered his vision. 

"Hey, Rock!" They said in unison. Yep, Heffer Wolfe and Filburt Turtle.

"What's up, Amigo?" Filburt asked him, a big grin stretched across his face.

"We were in the neighborhood and just thought we'd drop in on our best frie…" Heffer started.

"Just come in." Rocko said flatly. That's all Heffer and Filburt needed to hear and at once they stampeded past Rocko, knocking him to the floor, and headed straight for his T.V. Once Rocko got up he plopped himself down on the couch and used his left hand to rest his head. Almost every day after he got home from work his two friends would come over and play his Atari 2600 that he had purchased recently. It may have been an older game system, but never the less it was still fun to play and it had made his house a popular hang out for them ever since. Over at the T.V. Heffer and Filburt were going through their routine argument.

"First controller on the rocks!" Heffer hollered.

"Not so fast, cow! You got to be first player last time even after I called it!" Filburt growled at him.

"Well you forgot to say 'on the rocks'." Heffer argued back.

"Who came up with that rule? It's so stupid!"

"So are your glasses!" 

"Why you big fat…" Filburt said as he and Heffer began to wrestle back and forth across the floor. Finally Heffer had Filburt pinned to the floor, or so he thought. Using his back feet Filburt launched Heffer off of him and into the wall making a huge hole. Filburt used this opportunity to rush over and grab the first controller.

"Yesss! I am victorious! HA HA HA HAAA!!" Filburt yelled insanely.

"Big deal. I've got the system." Heffer retorted blowing Filburt a raspberry.

"Give that to me!" Filburt yelled grabbing hold of the other side of the system. All at once the two of them began an intense game of tug o' war with the Atari as the rope. Rocko jumped off of the couch and tried to get between them but got bumped aside from the fight. The two of them began pulling harder and harder then without warning the Atari pulled apart into two halves sending Heffer and Filburt into opposite walls. Upon seeing his broken video game system on the floor Rocko became furious.

"When are the two of you going to grow up?" He yelled at the top of his lungs. Heffer walked up beside Rocko and looked at the broken remains of the Atari.

"Sorry about that, Rock." Heffer apologized.

"We didn't mean for this to happen." Filburt added joining them.

"On the plus side now we can get one of those new more powerful systems. The Atari was pretty out dated anyways." Heffer said.

"We should buy a Playstation 2! They have some pretty tight games for that system." Filburt pointed out.

"Well, I don't know. Aren't they really expensive?" Rocko asked. 

"Naw, it won't be that expensive. It practically pays for itself." Filburt assured him. Rocko reached into his pocket and pulled out his new pay check. He unfolded it and looked at the amount .

"It has been awhile since the last time I bought myself something nice… okay, let's do it" Rocko said excitedly.

Through the magic of animation, seconds later Rocko's car pulled up into the O- Town mall's parking lot and Rocko, Heffer and Filburt got out and went inside to a store called Software Mania. 

"OOOO! Check out all of the new games!" Heffer said. 

Rocko stood in the doorway to the store checking everything out. He wasn't entirely into this type of thing but it did interest him somewhat. He heard Filburt mention something about playable demos and saw both him and Heffer walk over to an area where game systems were on display and a number of games that were just coming out could be played. To Rocko's right was a young kid throwing a temper tantrum because his mother wouldn't buy him what he wanted. She finally just dragged him out of the store while he fussed. 

"Rocko, get over here quick!" He heard Heffer yell to him. Rocko walked over to his friends who were waiting in a line for their turn to play a game and got behind them.

"Isn't it cool, Rock?" Heffer asked him referring to the game a teenager was playing four people in front of him.

On the screen was a guy dressed in camouflage who was holding a pretty big gun. He was standing on top of a moving train and from somewhere off screen someone was shooting at him. The teenager who was playing had only played about 14 seconds before his character was killed.

"Oh, man!" The teen griped as he walked away. It was someone else's turn and the line moved forward. The next person up was a lot better than the last kid and he survived a lot longer. He played so long in fact that a store clerk had to tell him to let someone else try. A little while later it was Filburt's turn. He stepped up and was about to take the controller when he suddenly got very nervous. He looked down at the controller and noticed more buttons than what should have been there then back up at the screen. On it the guy in camouflage turned towards Filburt.

"Come on, Stupid! Don't ya want at save da world?" He seemed to yell at him. Filburt turned around and saw the eyes of everybody behind him staring at him which only made him more nervous. He finally sighed and walked away, defeated. Heffer, who was behind Filburt, was sound asleep so another teenager lightly tapped him and he fell to his left onto the floor still sound asleep. Rocko was finally up.

"Show us what you got, Roo." He heard someone say and noticed it was the kid who was really good at the game. 

"What? Don't they play videogames in the Outback?" The kid continued to harass him. Everyone in line began to point at him and laugh. 

"Don't worry about it, Rock. Just have fun." Filburt encouraged him as he walked up to the controller. Rocko approached the game and grabbed onto something… soft? He turned his head and saw his hands gripping a very large, very angry hippo- lady's butt. She must not have seen him standing in line. He quickly released his grip and chuckled nervously as she stared down at him.

"HOW DARE YOU!!" She yelled as she punched Rocko into a display clear on the other side of the store. 

Later Rocko, Heffer, and Filburt were standing in an isle where the PS2 games were kept. Heffer talked Rocko into buying a game along with the system and he was looking for just the right one. Rocko was currently looking over a couple of games that interested him; Ty the Tasmanian Tiger and Crash Bandicoot: The Wrath of Cortex. It was pretty obvious why but Heffer told him he should buy a game that was newer. So far Rocko rejected every idea that was given to him until Heffer handed him a certain game with bright flashy colors.

"Grand Theft Auto, eh?" Rocko read. "I don't know about this. Isn't this game well, bad?" Rocko asked his friends.

"Rocko, what you've probably heard about this game is garbage. The people that say that kind of stuff are too old to play or even understand games like this, then there's the type of people who don't know the difference between fantasy and reality, but…never mind." Heffer argued.

"Ok, I'll give it a try." Rocko said. When they were finally ready they walked up to the counter and Rocko paid for his brand new game system and game and they left.

Once they arrived back at Rocko's house, Filbert and Heffer both immediately tore into the PS2's box and managed to set the whole system up in no time. Unfortunately once they were ready to begin playing they began the same argument over who had first dibs at playing first. As they fought nearly tearing the controller in two Rocko settled everything by telling them it was he who would have the first go. Rocko flipped the switch on the back of the console to the 'on' position and pressed the upper green button as the PS2 came to life and displayed the familiar introductory screens. When it came to the gray screen where the memory card information was usually displayed Rocko removed the disk from the box and pressed the lower button on the PS2 with the blue light. The tray slid out and he placed it on and pushed the button again to see the tray slide back in. The disc icon appeared on the screen and the screen faded into black later 'Playstation 2' could be read. Soon the Grand Theft Auto: Vice City loading screens flashed by and the introductory movie where were first introduced to Tommy Vercetti, Sonny and their drug predicament until it was time to start the first mission.

"Find your way to the Ocean View Hotel and get some rest." Rocko read from a little black box in the corner of the screen. "How do I do that?"

Another black box appeared explaining to follow the pink blip so Rocko ran towards a car near him and got in.

He tried to follow the blip but unsuccessfully bumped into a few cars and ran over some prostitutes and other pedestrians on the sidewalks. Finally he fell into the ocean after taking a corner too sharply and the words 'Wasted' appeared on the screen.

"What? That wasn't fair!" Rocko screamed.

"Too bad, Rock. My turn." Heffer said.

"Just a sec, I want to try that again." Rocko said. Again Rocko wiped out before making it to the hotel and again he asked for another try. Two more attempts later Rocko threw the controller on the floor frustrated.

"Oh, boy! My turn. This is how it's done, Rock." Heffer said. He was a little bit better than Rocko and finally made it to the hotel. Heffer then drove to the "L" blip on the screen and was briefed on the first mission. 

"The Party." Heffer read excitedly. He picked up the new set of clothes and drove to the Colonel's boat then when the time came drove Mercedes back to the Pole Position, earning himself the first $100. As time went on Heffer completed the next few missions for the Lawyer, but when he started doing the Colonel's missions things turned bad. He almost completed "Treacherous Swine" but lost the Courier after he ran away on the motor bike.

"You've played enough. Let me try now." Filbert yelled.

"No way! Rocko got like five turns." Heffer retorted.

"Well he can't help it if he's naturally bad at videogames." Filbert said. Rocko glared at him.

"Heffer, just pass the controller." Rocko said.

"But Rock…" Heffer began.

"Do it! Now!" Rocko yelled impatiently. Heffer threw the controller to Filbert who picked it up and blew a raspberry at him. Filbert took the taxi cab back to the boat and was re-briefed on the "Mall Shootout" mission then followed the blip back to the mall. Filbert chased the courier outside and got into a car as he sped away on the bike. Filbert gave a good chase but was going too fast and ran over an officer walking on the sidewalk earning himself two wanted stars. In the next second Filbert heard sirens and was being chased by two police cars. He tried to elude them but the cars kept on getting in his way and he kept on crashing into street lamps. The car finally caught on fire and Filbert ditched it, running from the police on foot. He was by the lighthouse on Ocean Beach so he ran up the steps and out onto the perch a little under the top. He used the first person view and saw police cars swarm the area and get out and fire at him. Filbert equipped the rocket launcher and fired down at them. The cars blew up but earned him a third star. Soon the police copter arrived and fired at him reducing his health points. 

"You're in trouble now, Fil. The police copters gonna getcha!" Heffer teased but Filbert ignored him.

He used the rocket launcher again and blew up the copter and the new police cars that had just arrived. He spent a good while just blowing stuff up until he had four stars and no ammo left. Now the special agents were after him. Filbert ran back down the lighthouse stairs and made a run for the street to steal a car but the special agent's cars kept on hitting him from behind. Finally one ran completely over him and dragged him with it reducing his health to zero. 'Wasted' appeared on the screen. 

Heffer and Filbert ended up staying the night at Rocko's house, much to his dismay. They spent all day and long into the night trying to complete the missions. It was around 12:30 in the morning when they started the "Cuban" missions and already Rocko was fast asleep on the couch. Around 3:00 they had given up on doing missions and just enjoyed running from the police and earning stars. At 7:51 Heffer had just finished his turn and passed the controller to Filbert when his eyes wandered to the window and locked onto Rocko's car parked in his driveway. Heffer suddenly had an insane idea.

"Filbert, put down that controller. I know something more fun that we can do." He said slyly. 

Giggling to themselves Heffer anfd Filburt tiptoed up to Rocko and quietly took his car keys out of his pocket then unlocked the door and tiptoed outside. 

"I'll drive." Heffer said as they made their way to Rocko's car

"Why do you get to drive? I want to." Filburt replied.

"Cos I've got the keys, stupid." Heffer told him sticking out his tounge. Filburt growled under his breath as he got into the passenger side. Heffer put the keys into the ignition and started the car.

"Wait!" Filburt yelled before Heffer had a chance to pull out of the driveway. Heffer stopped the car and Filburt got out and went back into Rocko's house. A few minutes later he came back outside and got back into the car.

"What did you do?" Heffer asked. Filburt only replied by holding up two large water guns, the same ones they used against Mortimer Kahn in the episode "Feisty Geist." 

"Great idea, Fil." Heffer laughed.

Heffer finally pulled out of the driveway and headed towards downtown O-Town. All the way there Heffer had his head out of the window and was screaming and laughing insanely while Filburt honked the horn. They saw people come out of their houses and shake their fists at them in the air which was exactly what they were going for. A little further up the street Heffer saw a group of garbage cans and decided to floor it. They watched as Rocko's car was showered with garbage and the cans fly over the hood. 

"Whoooo- hooooooo!!" Heffer yelled excitedly.

"There's your next target." Filburt told him pointing straight ahead. A group of kids Heffer recognized as his fellow Weasel Scouts were skateboarding in front of a house. Again Heffer floored it and up ahead the kids noticed the car speeding their way. They all quickly fled in different directions all except for one kid: Teddy. As the car approached him Teddy jumped onto his board, desperately trying to get away while screaming his head off.

"Ha ha, Teddy!! You're ours now! Don't even try to escape!" Heffer yelled at him.

Heffer got right behind Teddy but instead of running over him Heffer swerved and paralleled him.

"Gotcha!!" Filburt yelled and soaked Teddy with his water gun. All Teddy could do was groan while Heffer and Filburt drove off. 

They finally reached downtown and immediately started raising hell. They took turns soaking people on the sidewalk while the other would take over the wheel, knocked over more garbage cans and mailboxes and anything else they could think of. Unfortunately the law was onto them. A police car had been following them around for quite a while and when they accidently sideswiped a car while they were soaking a pedestrian the cop finally turned the siren on.

"Ahh! It's the cops!" Heffer yelled.

"Well duh, Heffer, they have been following us around now for quite some time." Filburt said dryly.

"Maybe you should pull over."

"No way, they're not getting me without a fight!" Heffer yelled while accelerating faster.

"looks like there's gonna be a chase." The cop told himself also accelerating.

Heffer tore down the busy O-Town street swerving around cars and disturbing pedestrians while the cop was right on his heels. The car was going as fast as it could and the police car behind his was rapidly catching up. Heffer looked into the side mirror and with a quick turn of the wheel found himself on the sidewalk mowing down pedestrians, one of which happened to be a cop standing guard on the sidewalk in front of a bank. They watched in horror as the cop flew over the hood and completely over the car. At the end of the city block they noticed more police cars joining in on the chase. Filburt was ready to give up but Heffer insisted they continue on and made sharp turn down a narrow alleyway nearly missing the police blockade in front of them. 

As soon as they cleared the alleyway they turned up the next street. In Heffer's excitement though he sideswiped a car as he hastily tried to pass it. By this time Rocko's car was almost completely trashed and the two had no idea how they would explain what happened. Suddenly they heard a siren again and looked behind them to see not only the cops but the SWAT team as well.

"What do we do, what do we do???" Heffer yelled hysterically. His partner in crime fell silent in thought.

"Well I highly doubt we can ever outrun them, Rocko's car has just about had it." Filburt replied. They both had run out of ideas but they both knew what they had to do. Heffer turned down the next street and slowly started to make his way back to Rocko's house with the law right behind him. 

Once they were back Heffer pulled back into Rocko's drive way and Heffer and Filburt got out of the car under the police's instructions.

"Now you, fat cow, turn away from me and lay down on the ground. Turtle, do the same." The chief barked at them over a megaphone. Inside the house the sirens had woken Rocko and he decided to get up and see what the racket was all about outside.

"We've got both of them in custody, great job, men." The sergent said congratulating his men. 

"What the nut is going on out here?" Rocko asked sleepily. He finally snapped awake when he noticed five police cars and three SWAT trucks parked in the street in front of his house. The sergent had just put Heffer and Filburt in the back of a car when Rocko walked up to him.

"Why are you putting them under arrest, officer?" Rocko asked him.

"These two just finished a two hour wild driving spree in downtown O-Town." He replied.

"They apparently had stolen a vehicle and drove at high reckless speeds while squirting people with water."

After hearing the part about the stolen vehicle Rocko glared at them through the window while Heffer and Filburt grinned at him sheepishly.

"It's partly my fault, officer. I recently bought a Playstation 2 and Grand Theft Auto. They must have stayed up all night playing it and got the idea to do this from it. I guess they really don't know the difference between fantasy and reality." Rocko said.

"Well they're gonna have plenty of time to think about it where they're going." The sergent told him and got into his car and drove away. Soon the rest of the police left as well after they got a statement from Rocko.

At the jail Heffer and Filburt and just been led into their cell. Once the door closed they looked at the bunk beds then at each other and started another argument.

"Top bunk on the rocks!" Heffer yelled and jumped onto the bed.

"Don't start up with that again. Why do you always gotta start fights?" Filburt whined.

"All I did was call the top bunk, you're the one who always turns things into a fight." Heffer retorted.

"I do not!" Filburt yelled defiantly.

"Do too!" Heffer yelled back.

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too…!"

The End.

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Finally got this finished up. This is the first Rocko's Modern Life fanfic but hopefully more will surface later.

I apologize if the last part seemed rushed or sloppy I'm just no good at writing action but I tried to make it as true to the cartoon as I could. Hope everyone enjoyed this. Please R&R.


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